Due to the fact that Isla’s passing was so sudden and things had looked good during an ultrasound only 4 days before we lost her, we opted for an autopsy and chromosomal review. The ironic thing is that I was being closely watched towards the end of the pregnancy and put on bedrest b/c she was measuring small for her gestational age. That turned out not even to be an issue. She was 5 pounds 11 ounces at birth…1 ounce smaller than Emma. I think my babies just run small for whatever reason!
I am not sure if this should make me relieved…or disappointed, but the autopsy showed a perfectly healthy baby. One thing that was looked at was a blood clot in her umbilical cord. But even with the autopsy, they could not tell if that caused her death. It’s possible if formed after she died. But the size of it made it questionable…it wasn’t huge so it wasn’t an obvious cause…but still could have possibly caused some interruption of blood flow. In any case, I had a battery of blood tests done on myself so that we can address this issue in a subsequent pregnancy that I hope to be blessed with. I haven’t received those results yet though.
This left us with no other choice than to come to terms with the fact that her little life was just not meant to be, for whatever reason. We can go crazy thinking about why and what went wrong. I have spent many sleepless nights wondering. Nothing changes the fact that this happened and our family has to go on without her.