Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Half a Year

Dear Isla,

It has been 6 months since that heart-wrenching day that we had to say hello and goodbye all at once. It is hard to believe that half a year has passed already.

Though not as intensely as the immediate aftermath, I still find myself going over the “what-ifs” and the “should-be’s”.  It is hard not to live with regret of what could have been done differently so that you’d be here with us today.  It is also difficult not to stop from time to time and wonder how different my life would be.  I like to picture happy family moments….sharing holidays & milestones… the joy of each other’s company doing simple things together…and Daddy and I admiring our 2 beautiful daughters and witnessing those priceless moments between sisters that would have melted our hearts. Emma misses you and often says “I wish Isla was here”. She was so looking forward to being the big sister and was ready to take good care of you. She was so looking forward to dropping you off with me in the infant room at school, which we had to visit daily before you were born so she could see all the little ones, thinking that she was soon going to have her chance to proudly call one her own.

I hope that you are in a better place…and I must have faith that there is a reason you are there instead of here with us. We miss you and think about you every day. You are living on in our hearts and I have many happy memories of our time together last year when I was happily anticipating and preparing for your arrival. You are always with me. “Mama loves you”.