Grace: the ability to be thankful.
When we first lost Isla and left the hospital empty handed, the thing that got me through the days that followed was Grace. In fact, the ability to be thankful was my saving grace. In an effort to find comfort from my grief, I was constantly reminded of things I should be thankful for. It is sort of ironic how that happened. During a time of such sadness and grief, the only place to find comfort was to look for things that made me happy…that made me get out of bed in the morning and that made me feel like I wasn’t going to drown in my own sorrow.
I have this cut out and posted on the wall of my cubicle at work. In fact, I found this on Pinterest and printed it out before I even lost Isla. I have always felt strongly that the way to make a bad situation better is to look for the good and find some positive attributes. But never did I realize it was going to have such an impact on my life and help me survive an unspeakable tragedy.
It seems like losing Isla and being out of work on maternity leave quickly turned into the holidays … and the end of the year from October on all sort of blurred together. That was broken up by the fresh start of a new year and the return to “normal”. But there isn’t a day that goes by that I do not think of Isla. In fact, I can look down at my arm and see her name whenever I want J (more on that later). I feel like I have gotten back to my normal routine of life…yet I will never be the same. There is a hole in my heart and I am always thinking about things I “should” be doing right now. I suppose I will feel like that for the rest of my life…when Isla should be turning 1…when she should be starting kindergarten…getting her license…graduating from high school and on and on. However, on the days I feel down, I look for grace….and I usually find it. In the loving and unconditional support of Todd and the sweet loving innocence of Emma. I try to focus on the good things in life and the simple pleasures that make me smile.
I challenge everyone who is reading this to stop right now and think of 1 thing you are grateful for. I hope it makes you smile!