It has been a while since I have written, so I wanted to post an update. I really do want to keep this blog running…and I don’t feel as if I have dedicated enough time to doing so.
The truth is I miss Isla lately and the dream that died with her. Last night I was flipping through my 2011 planner/calendar pages and everything was so happy as we were anticipating her arrival. I am trying to get pregnant again and it seems to be taking longer than I care to wait. I know that another baby is not going to replace Isla…but I am anxious to complete my family, and I am anxious to give Emma the sibling she so desperately wants. I am anxious to get pregnant again to reassure myself that I am not suddenly infertile….and that I wasn’t not meant to have another child. Mostly, I long for another baby to share the love of my wonderful family. We have so much to give. Sometimes when Todd and Emma and I are all together, laughing or having a good time, I feel so sad that Isla missed out on being a part of our family and the good times we would have all had together. It is just so damn sad and heartbreaking. We were SO close to having her here with us.
Anyway, I have these ups and downs, which I am pretty sure is normal, especially during the first year. Feel like recent posts on this blog have been a little sad (like this one) but I am mostly doing ok. I am fortunate to have a loving and supportive husband in Todd, and my little Emma who absolutely lights up my life. There is nothing better or more comforting to me than having them to go home to at night, and share our family moments together.
Thanks to everyone who reads this and offers support! The amount of support in the “Baby Loss” community is incredible and I intend to be better at keeping up and maybe even changing a few things around on my blog.