I remember my first Mother’s Day without my Mom. May, 2001.
I had recently moved to Atlanta and was navigating through life without a
mother, and no family nearby. One day I was walking through the mall and felt
as if the signs, banners, advertisements and window displays reminding us not
to forget our Moms, were taunting me. In fact , it really pissed me off. I had
this self righteous feeling of how dare this day be thrown in my face while I
was mourning the recent loss of my own Mother. As the years went by, I learned
to replace the anger, and honor her by focusing on the positive aspects of our
special Mother-Daughter relationship and what she meant to my family. After
all, I had a GREAT Mom who loved us with every sense of her being. It was an honor to be her daughter and I absolutely
treasure the memories of times we spent together. She is with me always. Not
only in my heart, but as a mentor, gently guiding me from afar.
As Mother’s Day approaches this year, I find myself feeling
a mixture of emotions. There is the sadness of my first Mother’s Day after
having lost a child. It is certainly sad to celebrate being a Mom and not have
Isla with me. On the other hand, I feel more grateful than ever to be a Mom to
Emma. She is the brightest light in my life and I am so thankful and proud to
be her Mother.
I also have to take a moment to acknowledge something that
makes me so sad. This year, more than ever, I honor the women who want a child
so badly, but cannot get pregnant…and those who lost their first child (whether
through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss) and are facing this mother’s
day as a painful reminder of such. I pray with all my heart that these women
can find peace within, and are given the ultimate gift…motherhood and a baby to
love.
Peace, love
and blessings to all…
Xoxo
Katy
Having a living child and mourning a deceased child is a strange thing to balance on Mother's Day. I struggled with it last year but was overall happy bc my living child is here to celebrate with me. But there is always sadness and my Mother's Day will always include a cemetery visit. Hope you are able to enjoy your day.
ReplyDeleteHUGS friend! You said it best! I am so proud of your strength!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you have Emma and so sorry you don't have isla or your mama. That makes for one crap day. All that missing and longing and grief. Sending a giant hug.
ReplyDeleteHope that everything you feel a bit better! We can't imagine. Just know that there are so many in blog land that are thinking about you and your family!!
ReplyDeleteJayme & Mendi @ Her Late Night Cravings
I am SO sorry I did not talk to you on Mother's Day. My private Mother in Law hell left my Mother's Day with NO present or card for my first Mother's Day being able to hold the child I gave birth to. I love you very much and would love to have time with you this summer. HUGS!
ReplyDelete