Time

Time, it seems, usually flies. Especially when you have children. For instance, when Emma turned one, I didn’t know where the time went. The months and milestones just rolled right by and I remember wishing life would slow down.

As I approach what should have been Isla’s first birthday, her death and birth feel like so long ago. Perhaps it’s because I wasn’t living through all the milestones that occur during the first year of a baby’s life and the rapid growth from month to month that seem to make time fly by. Looking back, I feel like a lot has happened since then. I went through a whole 8 week maternity leave, tried for 6 months to get pregnant again, then spent 11 weeks pregnant, just about a whole trimester, before learning I miscarried. Each of those events themselves seem like they lasted a lifetime. No wonder the year feels like it was long.

Now, as September 27^th nears, I cannot help but be filled with a yearning for things to be different. To go back to exactly a year ago from now, when Isla was still alive, about to be born… and do something, anything that would have created a different outcome.  I so wish I was planning her first birthday party.

To be honest, I feel a little overwhelmed, like I should have some grandiose plan to honor her on this solemn anniversary.  Part of me feels like I should do some big thing – I don’t know what – but that shouts to the world that Isla made a mark and that she meant something. We do plan on honoring Isla’s memory by bringing a rose to the cemetery with a balloon for Emma to send up.  She meant a lot to us, still does and always will. 

Some only dream of angels. I held one in my arms. 

This is a photo of Isla's Memorial brick at the cemetery where her ashes are buried. It has special meaning because it is a tribute to Isla from Todd, Emma and I, along with our parents, our siblings & their families. Isla is a very special daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece and cousin.