Friday, September 21, 2012

Time


Time, it seems, usually flies. Especially when you have children. For instance, when Emma turned one, I didn’t know where the time went. The months and milestones just rolled right by and I remember wishing life would slow down.

As I approach what should have been Isla’s first birthday, her death and birth feel like so long ago. Perhaps it’s because I wasn’t living through all the milestones that occur during the first year of a baby’s life and the rapid growth from month to month that seem to make time fly by. Looking back, I feel like a lot has happened since then. I went through a whole 8 week maternity leave, tried for 6 months to get pregnant again, then spent 11 weeks pregnant, just about a whole trimester, before learning I miscarried. Each of those events themselves seem like they lasted a lifetime. No wonder the year feels like it was long.

Now, as September 27th nears, I cannot help but be filled with a yearning for things to be different. To go back to exactly a year ago from now, when Isla was still alive, about to be born… and do something, anything that would have created a different outcome.  I so wish I was planning her first birthday party.
To be honest, I feel a little overwhelmed, like I should have some grandiose plan to honor her on this solemn anniversary.  Part of me feels like I should do some big thing – I don’t know what – but that shouts to the world that Isla made a mark and that she meant something. We do plan on honoring Isla’s memory by bringing a rose to the cemetery with a balloon for Emma to send up.  She meant a lot to us, still does and always will. 

Some only dream of angels. I held one in my arms. 

This is a photo of Isla's Memorial brick at the cemetery where her ashes are buried. It has special meaning because it is a tribute to Isla from Todd, Emma and I, along with our parents, our siblings & their families. Isla is a very special daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece and cousin.  





14 comments:

  1. Oh Katy - I'm thinking of you and Todd and Emma and Isla. She made such a mark and brought blessings to many - and many more, thanks to how you continue to love and remember her. Isla makes me love and appreciate my son even more - she deepens how blessed I feel to be a mom. Happy Birthday to Isla - I hope that you guys can find some peace and comfort as the day approaches.

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  2. thinking of you and praying for your family this week...God is with you...So sorry about your miscarriage...ugh this life is just not easy...

    Elle's Mommy

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  3. Katy - I pray for you, Todd, and Emma this week. No one can ever fully understand the pain you've been through, but I see how strong you are and how you've persevered. You are a fabulous mother to Emma as you would have been to Isla. Happy Birthday, sweet angel !!

    Wanda

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  4. thinking of you Katy as you approach this date and remembering your sweet one. Hugs!

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    1. Thank you Colleen...my new blog friend! :-)

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  5. Keeping you and Isla in my thoughts. I hope this coming year is gentler on you. I'm so sorry your little one isn't here.

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    1. Thank you Brooke. I love your blog. I can often relate and I think you state your emotions and feelings so eloquently. You make me laugh a lot, too!! ;-) Thanks for your well-wishes.

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  6. I just read your comment on Brooke's blog about your daughter's upcoming birthday. Just wanted to send you some love as I know the next two days will be tough. Also, Isla is one of my absolute favorite girl names. I think it's just beautiful. I love it's uniqueness and charm. I'm so sorry she isn't here with you.

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    1. Thank you Caroline. I will check out your blog and add it to my follow list.

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